So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
vagina is talking i cant
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Drunk is a universal language darling
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