I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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