She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
