im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
