SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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