just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
