sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
