There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
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If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
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I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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