My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
