His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I pour the whiskey from now on
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
