i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
