U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
