I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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