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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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