I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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