She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
