So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
