So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
