went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
