she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
