Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
