Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Use "feeling words"
Yay
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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