my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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