There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
