Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
