Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize