Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
