In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
