just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
