just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize