he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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