By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
