I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
