I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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