i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
