she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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