TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The struggles of a small town man whore
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
