Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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