I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
