i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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