Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
where does the pee come out of this thing
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
