I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
