Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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