Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
