i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
