dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
