I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
