five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Is it penis luge time yet?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
