i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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