The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
