We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
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I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
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So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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