I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
