I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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