I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
