thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
