Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
