she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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