Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
