I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
