her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Randomize
