Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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