That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
