He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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