peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
