look no pants
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Randomize
