I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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