Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
