Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
