Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
