I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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