I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
