I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
