he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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