I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
