We won't sleep together?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
